Kane, Christian, and Their Dysfunctional Friendship

As it turns out, Christian is a bit of a JERK to Kane!

A rare picture of Kane and Christian together.
A rare picture of Kane and Christian together.

“I don’t like Christian, I’ve never liked Christian.”

Kane and Christian have known each other for over twenty years. Despite this, one will struggle to find a picture of them friendly together with a Google search, in either kayfabe or out of character. In fact, all that comes up seems to be photos of The Big Red Machine chucking Captain Charisma around the ring like a rag doll as seen below, or this one blurry picture featured above!

If there was a Chokeslam Hall of Fame, Christian, alongside Shane McMahon and X-Pac, should have a bronze statue for the amount of height he got when he took those bad boys, especially from the Devil’s Favorite Demon. There were actually good reasons for these colossal crash downs. As Kane explained on his appearance on WWE Photo Shoot, Christian could, at times, be quite the bully!

“I don’t like Christian, I’ve never liked Christian. One time I was walking through the Denver airport and I saw Christian and we talked a little bit and he was like, ‘Have you had anything to eat?’ And I’m like, ‘Yeah, I just had a burrito,’ and he punches me in the stomach and then just runs away. That is Christian. So anytime I had the opportunity to chokeslam Christian I took advantage of it.”

It’s not like it was an isolated event either. When Kane guested on Edge and Christian’s podcast, Christian told yet another story of how he tormented the would-be Mayor of Knoxville.

“We were at a live event so it was a bit more relaxed than being on TV. I walk back and I walked into this dark locker room and Glenn was sleeping on the floor in his Kane outfit. So I go over, and I stand over him and he’s on the ground and his eyes are closed and he’s in this really peaceful moment. I had this bottle of water and I have no clue why I did it, I just dumped some of the water on his face.”

Christian continued, “His eyes popped open and I have never seen him so mad! It scared the s**t out of me so I started to run. All of a sudden there was this chair by him. He flung this chair across the room and I’m doing the high step and this chair is tumbling behind me. I waited a few minutes and I hid until he calmed down.

“When I came back, he starts apologizing to me. That’s how nice Glenn is. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to throw the chair at you.'”

So why is Christian, for lack of a better word, a complete JERK to Kane? What did the Brother of Destruction do to deserve to be treated this way? Maybe it was something deep down in Christian’s psychosis from long ago back in 1998 just after Edge’s debut and just before his own.

Christian Opens up about His Haunting Nightmares about Kane

Undertaker and Kane choke-slamming Edge and Christian to Hell!
Undertaker and Kane chokeslamming Edge and Christian to Hell!

On WWE Story Time, Christian revealed a series of dark dreams that used to haunt him.

“I used to have a recurring nightmare about Kane and I don’t know why. I never met him. The first one was before I got to WWE and Edge was here. I was backstage at Raw and we were walking down the hallway and Kane threw a clothesline at me and I ducked it. He was not very happy that I ducked the clothesline so he chased me out into the parking lot where I slid underneath a car. He couldn’t get me from underneath the car and all I see is this hand and his mask and he’s going ‘URRRGHHH, URGGGH’ and I’m trying to kick him away, I’m trying to kick him away. That is the end of that one and it’s kind of anti-climatic.”

Christian resumed, “The second dream I had of him I was at my grandmother’s house and I walked out onto the front porch and Kane was there. He grunted something at me and I didn’t understand what he said. So I said, ‘Excuse me,’ and he got very mad at this and started to chase me. So I take off running and he’s chasing me I’m obviously faster than Kane, Come on! He’s grunting and he can’t catch me so I get to the end of the block and I turn around realizing he’s not there and I’m like, ‘Oh man, he finally gave up!’ I turn around and he’s standing right there in front of me. So I go to punch him. He catches my arm and rips my arm off and he starts to beat me with my own arm! My only shot at this is to kick his knee out. So I see my opening, I take my shot, I completely whiff it, and I hit him in the balls. He screamed like a young schoolgirl, I run away, and he continued to chase me as I run away, and that’s the end of that dream.”

Despite the recurring nightmares, Christian had no reason to be afraid. When speaking on The Steve Austin Show about TLC 1 (although it may have been the first triangle ladder match at WrestleMania 2000), he said:

“Instead of going feet first, my feet swung up and I actually went over the ropes kind of back first. And I remember looking at the ceiling going, ‘Oh my God, this is not going to be good.’

“I basically flat-back bumped to the floor from off the ladder in the middle of the ring. And I don’t know how I didn’t land on a piece of debris on the ladder on something that would have done some serious damage.

“I came to the back and Kane is walking passed me and he stops and he goes, ‘Are you okay?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, from what?’ He was like, ‘That bump. Are you okay?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

“He grabbed me by the shoulders, spun me, and pinned me to the wall, and he goes, ‘You scared the s**t out of me! Don’t do that again.’ And then he walked away! I got hurt more from Kane than from that bump!”

So it turns out that Kane was looking out for Christian all along. Is there some kind of message here? Maybe it’s about being a good person no matter what others throw at you. Maybe it’s about facing your fears as they are not as scary as you thought. Or maybe it’s as simple as the fact that Kane is a lovely person and Christian is a bit of a d**k. We’ll let you the readers decide!

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Tim Buckler is a contributor for Pro Wrestling Stories as well as a writer, presenter, and lover who hosts the geeky magazine show "Tim Buckler's Thursday Night Geek Out" every Thursday at 8 p.m on Radio Woking. Follow him @blockbusterman on Twitter for more of his ramblings!