Yam Bag: The Night I Wrestled an Elderly Woman

Description

Here is the tale of how I, a middle school social studies teacher by day, found myself involved in a wrestling match with an elderly woman. The Art of Getting the Crowd to Hate You Following the death of Scott Hall (AKA “Razor Ramon”), like many others, I found myself reading countless articles and watching numerous compilations of "The Bad Guy" doing what he always did best: make the men want to be him, and the women want to be with him. Scott Hall’s contributions to professional wrestling as a sport and as an art form are clear. You cannot just summon charisma that oozes as naturally as the master of the "Razor’s Edge." Suppose you are a heel and need the crowd to hate you, but you cannot elicit that emotion of envy of your natural machismo. In that case, the next best option is to make a one hundred eighty-degree turn and make the crowd loathe you for being as objectively not cool as possible. If that is to be achieved, there is nobody better to model yourself after than one of the most unique and trailblazing wrestlers in the history of professional wrestling: Andy Kaufman. I kept this in mind when preparing to leave the commentary desk to enter the squared circle as a wrestler for the first time in my career. 16th note groove drums. Distorted guitar. Vocals.   "Tie up the bedsheets and sharpen the shiv. This iron city is no place to live. Come hell or high water I’m leaving this place alive!" My theme song, "Iron City," recorded with local punk legend Captain Deen, blasted through the Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Evansville, Indiana. If Jerry "The King" Lawler knew what I was about to do in the same building where he had so many legendary matches, he would be livid. Although, in all honesty, Jerry was as much of a carny during his USWA days as I happened to be at this very moment, as I’m sure my fellow contributors to Pro Wrestling Stories would agree. I pressed my crutches to the floor and swung out behind the curtain.